emo woot

Have been pretty down lately. Things are just not going smoothly, or rather going adversely. Everything, family probs, friends, emo stuff and all, fucked up myself.

Sometimes I just wish I can be abit more selfish, more freedom, more flexibility. But all I got is sombre. When things goes till my peak, I can do the unimaginable. I DO NOT want to do those stuffs but I'd really do it if I cant control my temper anymore.

I consider myself to have a very high tolerance compared to the others. I believed I've been through quite enough of level of patience to consider myself high tolerable person. I've live with my stubborn gparents for 14 years and damm they're stubborn and ignorant. They think we still live in their time where everything still works they way it was back then.

Heck, I'd grab a knife if I run of temper. Anything, I'd do anything and I dont want to know what I'll do then. Its hard to live on like this. Yeah yeah you can fuckin tell me there are more people living a fuckin less fortunate life than mine. Well, I'll tell you what. This is my life and I fuckin control my own life! I can fuckin complain my own life as long I dun fuck with yours and you with mine!

Before this, things seems to be coming from pieces into a whole. And now, everything seems to be breaking into pieces apart again. Its shaky, and some of the pieces has already broke apart. Wish them good luck fuckin their own life.

Sometimes, I feel like giving up all that I have now. Go out somewhere new, and start all over from scratch. I dont care if its hard. Yeah, saying is easier than doing it. But I believe I got the commitment, if I'm allowed that it. I felt that perhaps I just dont belong to this kind of society. I dont mix well with them. In fact, I've been struggling to make myself to suit them. I wish to break out from it and be free. Maybe I'm more to a solo type of guy.

Yes, I really love the company of friends and others. It does feels good. But when things goes up to another level, things get stiffs. This and that start to come in and emo is in the air.

I prefer a simple way of life. Just a simple life. Get married with a girl I cherrish, get a decent job, a house on a safe quiet area, have some children and live my life. Getting up in the morning with the first thing I see is the face of the one I love. Go to work happily and come back to enjoy the company of my wife. Nothing else. No need for there to be a high standard of life or you must have this or that. No, I'm not into it.

For now, these kinda dreams seems so far from my reach of hands. In fact, I couldnt even dream of it. Its hard to imagine what it would be like. But still, simplicity is my way of life. You get what you get, what is yours will be yours, no need to go making a big fuss out of it. Whats done is done, not as if worrying or regreting till you die will undo what has happened.

But of course, simplicity doesnt mean to take things for granted. We do strive for our goals, just that we dont torture ourself in the process.

Its late, I'm gonna sleep...
Good nite...