why....

I just wanna live a normal life
a happy simple one
where there's no conflict or misunderstanding
I try to pursue what I want
and yet it seems that
the more I try
the further it goes away from me

Is this my fate?
or is this my own fault?
for being ignorant
for not knowing what is going on
while I never get a clue on whats going on

I've been trying
maybe I've been trying too hard
too hard that it torn myself
or perhaps torn us apart

I've tried to be someone else
but that is just not myself
not who I am
not the person
that I want you to remember

to say that
I'm glad to see you happy
or
I'm happy that you're happy now
it may seems that I mean it
but its a hail of knife stabs in my heart

Perhaps it is time for me to rest
maybe a while
maybe a bit longer
maybe forever
God knows...
but it doesnt mean I've given up
I'm tired
really tired...

Later,
even if it is much later,
can you come backto this place?
Is it okay if I ask this?
plead this?
though I know it is selfish to ask...

After time passes
a really long time
if you have no where to go
no one to turn to
if you're still here
I'll always welcome you

But then again...
it is undeniable that
time will change everything
or maybe you and I will still be the same
or maybe you and I will be different persons
than what we used to be
the joy of seeing you smile now
could then be
a heartache for either both
or perhaps both...

But one thing is for sure
your face will leave a print
inside my heart
how deep it is
maybe I'll never know
as I dont even understand myself
and yet I want to understand others

Keeping silent and running away
isnt the best solution
but then again
its harder to say it out
not wanting to hurt and to be hurt

For now
maybe I'll just wander around
thanking God for what I have till now
and turn to myself
when I thought of this again

Maybe there's other path
for me to take on
Whether I'm willing or not
I will not know

There's nothing more to ask for
there's nothing more to care to
I'll be happy enough
if you can remember me
in your heart as a souvenir

A wound is healable
a scar from the wound remains forever
the pain may be gone someday
but looking at the scar
will bring even more pain
if it hurts for me to be in your mind
do please remove me away
as it will only hurt me more
to see me as the cause of pain

One day my heart spoke to me
even though my tears tell me the way
I cant go back
to how it was before
perhaps its still almost the same
but its the little difference
that make it never the same again

You're free now
I wont be following your back
not anymore
it hurts
but at the same time
it comforts me
somehow...
to see you flying on your own will

If you're tired
I'm always here
to be a place for you to rest
for you to lean on
to cry on...

This is not goodbye or farewell
nor is it hello or a turned new leaf
life still goes on
I'll just carry this life on
towards the unknown future

For now... I'll retreat myself
until then... take care and be happy...^^